DarylToBeDifferent

“Money is not the only way to improve life. Instead of widening your margin of profit, widen your margin of leisure. Instead of optimizing for money, optimize for time. Instead of seeking efficiency, seek recovery.”

– James Clear

So the annual day of awareness has once again come and gone and we did our post thing and shared the hashtag and…… what do we do next? We’ve come a long way in talking about it as an important issue, and raising awareness of how many it impacts. But there’s still work to be done. The important work.

As someone who has been in a dark place in the past, here are three things you can do next to make a huge difference:

1) Normalize talking about your emotion and struggles (especially us dudes). Many view vulnerability as a weakness. But it’s actually a super power. Talking openly about your challenges and struggles shows a level of confidence and self-awareness that many don’t have. Most importantly it shows others that they aren’t alone in feeling the way they do.

2) Rather than relaying on our “open door”, actively reach out to friends, especially if you sense something. When I’ve been in a bad place, it’s been hard as F*** to reach out and admit the demons are winning. I know I should but I can’t or just don’t wanna. It’s been times when people have reached out the proverbial hand to me to lift me up that’s made all the difference. “Hey man, you’ve been pretty quiet on social lately, whats been on your mind lately?” To adapt the work place safety phrase: “If you sense something, say something.”

3) Ask better questions. Its easy for someone to blow off “how are things going?” With “fine”. But by combing the above steps, we can show our vulnerability and start a conversation: “This new business has really been a struggle lately, whats going on in your world?”

If you want more practical approaches on how to reach out as a person (on either side of the equation), headsupguys.org has lots of great resources.

Did I miss anything? What actions are you going to take this week to make a difference to your own or someone else’s mental health?

Both of these are important. Sometimes it’s easy to cast the academic approach as a waste of time. Wasting time looking at something that is already a fact. But in analyzing the decision process of an existing fact, we get better at future decisions when we don’t yet have all the answers.

There are some of us that are conformists, trying as best as we can to fit in and jumping on every trend. Then there are who are the rebels, who want nothing to do with whats considered “mainstream”

I’m one of the non-conformists. To an extreme.

The last thing I wanted to be was one of the “cool”
kids

In junior high and high school, I was a bit of an outlier. I wore sweat pants every day while all the other kids wore jeans. It’s not that I didn’t like jeans, but I simply didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing. The other day I was describing my high school experience to a friend and I said “Its not like I was an outcast for lack of trying, it was that the last thing I wanted to be was one of the cool kids”

This has carried into my personality years later where when I’m doing activities, or choosing places to go, I pick the ones that are the least “popular”. And in many cases I take this to an extreme. For example I came up with a plan this summer to do a 350km bike trip that involved paddling in the middle of it by putting my bike on top of a packraft. Of course this was pretty complex and daunting for many reasons and it never really got done. I think maybe if I had aimed a bit lower, I would have done it in separate parts which is better than zero parts

This carries over to who I choose to associate with too. I find myself being much more particular with who spend time with. And while at a basic level, tis ins’t a bad thing, I might take it too far. For example if I have a running friend but they don’t share the same values as me on recycling or the environment, I might feel myself not wanting to hang out with them as much. Or if they aren’t as adventurous and want to turn around just as we reach the summit because they have to head to Home Depot later, I might find myself getting annoyed with them and less likely to want to hang out with them in the future.

So I’ve kind of found myself in this spot where I don’t have a huge group of people that I do adventures with. I think I’ve only recently discovered that it’s because I’m maybe overly critical of inconsequential things. And looking for this perfect adventure buddy with the same “weird and different” matching worldviews and value and traits as me.

People meeting these “exact specifications” are either rare or don’t exists and I think its affects me more than I previously admitted to. While I like my solo adventures, I enjoy sharing time outdoors with others that enjoy it just as much as I do, so I think there is a bit of a gap here. So maybe that isn’t an issue with me finding the “exact” right people, but perhaps being a little more open to people being different and unique in other ways.

A lot of people think a brand as your logo, your Instagram handle, or the tone you use posting on social media.

Your brand is not your business cards, your swag, or even the things that you sell.

These tangible pieces are only a small part of it. Flashy public things, the trim and the decoration. The bling.

What your brand really is at the core is your values, your behaviours, and how you treat business partners, colleagues, and customers.

And most importantly: your brand is how you conduct yourself when nobody’s watching.

It’s getting to that time of year where we start thinking about them.

And like everything else in the world, marketers have pretty much ruined them (kidding.. sort of)

To marketers, and companies, this is the perfect time to capitalize on making you feel inadequate and offering the PERFECT thing to get you on the right path.

Don’t listen to them. Ignore it all (well most of it anyway). Most appeal of them appeal to short-term thinking and are setting you up for failure. There’s a reason gym usage peaks in January and then drops back down in February

You need to dig deep. Find out what it is you want to change and more importantly why. You should dedicate a solid block of time to this. I know, it’s not as fun as clicking “buy now” on a thing.

It’s far too easy for us to get our ideas from ads, or Instagram followers or even from our friends and neighbours are doing.

These things can be the start of a reflection and though exercises, but don’t let them be the guiding force.

Want to lose weight? Think about how you can change your lifestyle to be more active in general. Incorporate more walking and movement in your life and add other things in gradually. Try a few things out and see what works for you. Forming life-long habits will pay off in so many more ways than just your body weight and physical appearance.

These life-long habits are never solved by one single product or service, no mater how convincing they may be. In many cases the opposite rings true. Only 8% of people end up keeping their resolution, which means there are 92% of people feeling like they failed (and possibly feeling even worse).

Spend some time really digging into the why. Think about times in your life where you have made change and how it has worked. When you catch yourself thinking about a certain product or service stop yourself and think about why that would help. Try doing the five whys to get back to the root change you want to make. Imagine that there was no easy solution via a product, what would your plan be then?

Get to the why first and then start thinking about potential solutions.